I agree with what has been posted.
First, telling the party in a therapeutic environment (i.e. with a therapist and the other party) is a good idea. It is a safe space for processing and helping put in place next steps.
A Divorce from B&B can also soften what can feel like an overwhelming loss or abandonment.
Anyone in a space of threatening suicide or bodily self harm should be regarded as both emotionally disregulated and in a lot of pain. Anyone who threatens such things only to be manipulative should still be regarded as unstable and treated with both caution and compassion.
Helping the "suicidal" spouse get supports in place immediately is also critical. This should include both friends, family upon whom he can rely and lean, and a therapist or more intensive treatment program, such as a day hospital or partial hospitalization program. Along with the support system - all of whom, importantly, are not the divorcing spouse - the spouse should have a plan in place before leaving the therapist's office after being told. He should have some concrete things laid out so he can get more grounded and feel more in control of himself and the situation. Examples include an appointment with an attorney to consult, or an appointment with a therapist, or plan to stay over at a family members, could be set in place once he is told of the divorce.
Finally, if possible, allowing the suicidal spouse some efficacy in the process helps. For example, requesting his input as to the pacing of things - often moving a bit slower can give the non-moving party a chance to digest what is ahead and do some emotional catch up.
Hope this is helpful.
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Original Message------
Pamela -
<x-tab> </x-tab>I'm glad you posted this. The issue of determining a party's dangerousness and what to do is something we should have mandatory training on (too bad I'm sure the program for the symposium has probably been completed already - this would make a great topic for one of the well-attended seminars). Anyway, it's hard to tell whether someone making those kinds of statements is being manipulative (it can be a heck of a way to control someone) or sincere, but it's not something to play with - I'd proceed as if it's sincere. Also, it's frightening in that someone that unstable can potentially ... well, the worst case scenario that we see out there is a possibility.
<x-tab> </x-tab>A couple of suggestions:
<x-tab> </x-tab>1. Be nice / sensitive. Unless there's a domestic torts claim (or, if the acts were over 2 years ago, a Tevis claim) and you must file an aggressive complaint, make it irreconcilable differences and put "no fault" in the caption. I just read a blistering article where a group of Family Court reform advocates pulled the public pleadings in a number of cases where murder-suicide occurred, and one of the huge correlations is incredibly nasty pleadings (with no legal benefit / justification, but filed so a client can vent - something I hope almost none of us would do).
<x-tab> </x-tab>2. Discuss with your client the option of filing for a Limited Divorce / Divorce from Bed & Board. She can tell him that it isn't a full divorce, but essentially a legal separation where "the bonds of matrimony still exist", but they will resolve all the issues (custody, support, e.d., etc) as if it were a divorce. If they don't reconcile in the future, it would form the basis of a divorce, but if they do work things out, the entire thing is erased "ab initio" (as if it never was). Under a (dwindling number of) few insurance policies, you can maintain medical coverage (check the policy documents and see if "legal separation" is a qualifying event to terminate coverage). If so, it's an additional selling point. I primarily file these when there's (1) a religious issue [a Muslim of Jewish wife whose husband won't agree], (2) for insurance purposes, and (3) for emotional reasons like those you're describing. Of course, once the MSA/PSA is signed, your client can convert the judgment at any time. If case you're not familiar with the issue of limited divorces, a letter brief is below. A newly-appointed judge several years ago asked me for a quick letter brief on it, saying he'd never heard of a Limited Divorce (don't we love the new judges who don't take the "I know everything because I have the robes on" attitude, but will say "counsel, give me a quick letter brief on that issue - I want to get it right"?). It's below.
<x-tab> </x-tab>3. Make sure your client has a safety plan and is aware of the resources that are out there and the "red flag" warning signs.
David Perry Davis, Esq.
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www.FamilyLawNJ.pro ----------------------------------------------------
112 West Franklin Avenue
Pennington, NJ 08534
Voice: 609-737-2222
Fax: 609-737-3222
Dear Judge:
<x-tab> </x-tab>In October, I submitted a consent judgment converting the limited divorce entered into in this matter in 2012 to an absolute judgment. I received a call from your honor's law clerk indicating that the request should be refiled along with a memorandum of law briefly explaining the background of limited divorce (a/k/a Divorce from Bed & Board) as opposed to a regular (or "absolute" divorce), and the process of converting a judgment of limited divorce to an absolute divorce.
<x-tab> </x-tab>As indicated on the enclosed consent judgment, there is no opposition to this request. Mrs. Smith consents to the conversion of the judgment (it was originally entered to keep her on Mr. Smith's medical insurance; she now has her own employer-provided insurance). If there is any question about this, the Court can reach her personally at (732) xxx x 107 (work) or (732) xxx (home).
<x-tab> </x-tab>If the court has any further questions regarding this matter, please advise.
Statement of Facts
<x-tab> </x-tab>The parties to this matter were granted a limited divorce in November 2012. Plaintiff's insurance plan permitted him to continue defendant on his coverage for so long as they were subject to only a "limited" (rather than regular or "absolute") divorce. There was no additional cost to maintain her on said insurance.
<x-tab> </x-tab>Mrs. Smith has had her own employer-provided insurance for well in excess of a year and the parties have agreed to convert the judgment.
Legal Argument
- I. THE COURT SHOULD ENTER THE ENCLOSED CONSENT JUDGMENT CONVERTING THE LIMITED DIVORCE TO AN ABSOLUTE DIVORCE.
<x-tab> </x-tab>Limited Divorce (also known as a Divorce from Bed & Board) is permitted by N.J.S.A. 2A:343, which provides:
- Divorce from bed and board may be adjudged for the same causes as divorce from the bonds of matrimony whenever both parties petition or join in requesting such relief and they or either of them present sufficient proof of such cause or causes to warrant the entry of a judgment of divorce from the bonds of matrimony, provided further that in the case of a reconciliation thereafter the parties may apply for a revocation or suspension of the judgment, and provided further that the granting of a bed and board divorce shall in no way prejudice either party from thereafter applying to the court for a conversion of said divorce to a divorce from the bonds of matrimony, which application shall be granted as a matter of right.
<x-tab> </x-tab> A judgment of divorce from bed and board decrees a judicial separation, but does not terminate the bonds of matrimony. Weinkrantz v. Weinkrantz, 129 N.J.Super. 28 (App.Div. 1974), Mueller v. Mueller, 95 N.J.Super. 244 (App.Div. 1967). The entry of a divorce from bed and board permanently fixes the property rights of each party against the other. Lavino v. Lavino, 41 N.J.Super. 608 (Ch.1956), affirmed 23 N.J. 635, Loechner v. Loechner, 119 N.J.Super. 444 (Ch.Div. 1972).
<x-tab> </x-tab>It is most commonly used when a party's medical insurance will continue to provide coverage in the event of a separation, but not a divorce, when parties' religious beliefs are not offended by a legal separation or when the parties are close to the ten mark that permits a dependant spouse to share in increased social security benefits based on the earnings of the supporting spouse. It can only be granted upon the joint application of the parties.
<x-tab> </x-tab>As a divorce from bed and board requires the same grounds an absolute (or "regular") divorce, an application for conversion of divorce from bed and board to absolute divorce requires no new findings of fact or conclusions of law. If the application to convert the judgment is not joined in by the non-moving party, a motion for summary judgment is procedurally correct. Horesta v. Horesta, 118 N.J.Super. 71 (Ch.Div. 1971). The terms of a property settlement agreement entered pursuant to a judgment of divorce from bed and board remain binding on the parties upon conversion of the judgment. Loechner v. Loechner, 119 N.J.Super. 444 (Ch.1972). As the statute indicates, the conversion should be granted "as a matter of right." N.J.S.A. 2A:343.
Conclusion
<x-tab> </x-tab>In this matter, there is no opposition to the request to convert the judgment and a formal motion is therefore not required under the rules. Accordingly, the annexed consent judgment should be entered by the court "as a matter of right."
<x-tab> </x-tab>I thank the Court for its consideration in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at the above email address or telephone number if there are any questions.
Respectfully,
David Perry Davis, Esq.