This article first appeared in the December 2021 edition of New Jersey Lawyer, the magazine of the New Jersey State Bar Association. Read the full issue here (login required).
By Megan S. Murray
Family Law Offices of Megan S. Murray
Family law attorneys practice in a very stressful field with high emotions. However, all attorneys must be vigilant about not allowing the emotion of a case to cause impetuous case-handling decisions that may reflect poorly upon the attorney—not only in the case at hand but for their reputation going forward. Remember, you have one opportunity to make a first impression.
Integral to being a successful attorney is the ability to act in a professional manner regardless of the difficulty or emotional intensity of the case. Unprofessionalism and incivility leads to a needless increase in counsel fees, a dissatisfied client and possibly a bad reputation for you.
The following are tips for all practitioners to follow to maintain civility with even the most difficult of adversaries and judges.
- Pick up the phone and personalize your adversary: If my client’s spouse has already retained an attorney, I make it a priority to make a telephone call to the adversary—especially in a case where I have not worked with or do not know opposing counsel. Calling an adversary allows you to build a rapport with them. Find common ground with your adversary on common interests; share a humorous story about the practice or bring up a (non-inflammatory) current event. The next time your adversary thinks about writing you a nasty letter, they are likely to give much more pause if they have a personalized relationship with the person on the receiving end.
- It’s often true that you get more flies with honey than vinegar: When dealing with abrasive adversaries or judges, reciprocating with gratuitous hostility has almost never yielded good returns in my experience. A friendly tone in raising disagreement with a judge also helps to convince a judge that you are not attempting to attack them.
- Don’t add fuel to a non-substantive fire: Nasty-gram letters could be one of the worst ways to move a case forward. Nothing productive comes of it – so don’t engage.
- Make the life of the judge easier: Do what you can to free up time for the judge. Make sure your motion is in compliance with the Rules of Court. Make sure your letters are succinct and relay your client’s position clearly. Prior to trial, meet with your adversary to reach stipulations to reduce trial issues. Trial binders should be prepared well in advance of the trial and exchanged with the adversary.
- Quit while you’re ahead: When arguing a case, recognize when you have won, are winning or losing the argument and sit down. Over-speaking does not endear attorneys to judges with very limited time.