Note: The following piece is written by Paula Sawyer, Senior Attorney Counselor at the New Jersey Lawyers Assistance Program
Those of us at a certain age might remember the Elvis Presley version of “Are You Lonesome Tonight,” the popular tune written way back in 1926 by Roy Turk and Lou Handman. The lyrics, written almost a century ago, are very relevant today, and contain the line “Are you sorry we drifted apart?” During this unprecedented event of separateness and isolation, should this be the time in our lives when we connect with those in our past from whom we drifted?
Do you remember your life B.C. (Before COVID19)? How many times did you say to yourself “I’ve got to connect with ‘so-and-so’, it’s been much too long since we’ve spoken”? Within a nanosecond the thought of connecting becomes a distant memory, replaced by the numerous daily demands on our lives.
We’re all aware of the daily death tolls from this “novel” virus, especially among the more vulnerable populations: the elderly and those with pre-existing diseases. What about the lonely? Isolation has created a particularly perilous situation for people who live alone. Research has shown that loneliness can be a killer.
Some experts claim that loneliness is a growing health epidemic, despite the expansion of technology-based connections. A 2018 study reported by Douglas Nemecek, M.D., Cigna’s Chief Medical Officer for Behavioral Health, suggested the problem has reached “epidemic” proportions, rivaling the risks posed by tobacco and obesity. “Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day making it even more dangerous than obesity,” he reported.
A recent story in Harvard Business Review quoted former Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy, M.D., who said, “Loneliness is a growing health epidemic. During my years caring for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.”
Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Ph.D., a psychologist at Brigham Young University who studies loneliness and its health effect, has found loneliness makes premature death more likely for people of all ages.
The novel COVID19 virus epidemic has exacerbated the loneliness of those who may be alone. Adult children can’t connect with elderly parents; grandparents can’t connect with grandchildren; friends are missing friends. Perhaps this is the time to re-connect with those we have missed for far too long. However you are inclined to do so, whether by FaceTime, ZOOM, phone, letters, virtual hugs & kisses, whatever, don’t hesitate to make those long-overdue connections.
Long ago, but very relevant today, metaphysical poet John Donne (1572-1631) crystallized the need for human connection and reminds us, in part: “No man is an island entire of itself, every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”
The song’s lyrics go on. “Does your memory stray to a brighter summer day?” Reach out to those you’ve been thinking about. Help them, and yourself, to overcome the loneliness. Now, more than ever, is the time to reconnect and plan for brighter days.
Article Referenced:
Loneliness Plagues Half of Adults
www.psychcongress.com/article/policy/lonliness-plagues-half-us-adults
Work and the Loneliness Epidemic
https://hbr.org/cover-story/2017/09/work-and-the-lonliness-epidemic.
https://www.apa.org/members/content/holt-lunstad-loneliness-social-connections