(Editor’s Note: This article by Jacob P. Davidson appears in the latest issue of the NJSBA Young Lawyers Division’s Dictum. YLD members can read the full issue here.)
Most attorneys—particularly those early and mid career—have experienced some version of this moment:
You are copied on an email chain involving your client and other professionals. The client refers to you not by name, but as “the attorney.” Or you are sitting at a closing table, having shepherded a transaction for months, and the client calls a realtor or lender to say, “I’m here with the attorney,” as though you were an anonymous accessory rather than a known collaborator.
On its face, this may seem trivial. No insult is intended. The matter is moving forward. Everyone is “on the same team.” And yet, over time, these moments can quietly register as something more—a subtle flattening of professional identity, a sense that the depth of our role and responsibility is being reduced to a functional label.
This article is not about grievance. It is about awareness, perspective, and how attorneys can respond constructively—without taking these moments personally or allowing them to erode professional respect, both externally and within our own ranks.
Role Labels Versus Professional Identity
Clients and other professionals often speak in shorthand. Under stress or time pressure, people default to role labels: the attorney, the realtor, the surveyor, the lender. This language is rarely meant to diminish; it is often a cognitive shortcut. To the client, it may simply reflect how they are mentally organizing a complex process involving unfamiliar players.
But for attorneys, the effect can feel different. Our work is not mechanical. We are fiduciaries, strategists, counselors, risk managers, and problem solvers. We invest judgment, ethics, and emotional labor into every matter. When we are reduced to a role descriptor—particularly in our presence—it can feel as though that investment is invisible.
Recognizing this distinction is critical. The issue is not disrespect so much as abstraction.
Why This Happens More Now Than Before
Several cultural shifts amplify this phenomenon:
• Flattened formality: Titles, honorifics, and professional distance have given way to first names, texts, and informal email chains. This increases accessibility but erodes ritualized respect.
• Client-as-project-manager culture: Clients increasingly view themselves as coordinators of professional teams, even when they lack fluency in professional norms.
• Transactional speed over process: Outcomes are valued more than the deliberative work that produces them—until something goes wrong.
Ironically, this often means attorneys are least visible when things are going well and most visible when they are not.
Why Attorneys Feel This More Acutely
Attorneys are trained to internalize responsibility. We carry ethical obligations that persist even when others disengage. When something stalls or fails, it is often the attorney who must absorb the pressure, explain the delay, or repair the damage.
As a result, there is a natural sensitivity to moments where our role feels minimized. That sensitivity is not insecurity—it is professional self respect colliding with cultural informality.
The Risk of Taking It Personally
If left unchecked, these moments can breed quiet resentment—toward clients, opposing counsel, or even colleagues. That resentment serves no one. It drains energy, distorts perception, and undermines the collegiality our profession depends on.
The better response is not confrontation, but reframing.
Gentle Course Correction: Re Humanizing the Attorney
Attorneys need not demand recognition. Instead, we can model it.
A simple reply such as, “Thanks for looping me in—I haven’t yet received the updated plan sets, and once I do, I’ll move promptly to get us on the agenda,” re centers the attorney as an active participant rather than an abstract role.
Similarly, early in a matter, attorneys can set tone by inviting direct communication: “Feel free to copy me directly—I’m happy to coordinate with the rest of the team.”
This positions counsel as a hub, not a peripheral function.
Professional Respect Starts With Us
Perhaps most importantly, this is also an internal issue. How attorneys speak about one another matters. Referring to colleagues by name, acknowledging their contributions, and modeling respect in front of clients reinforces the professional culture we want to preserve.
The legal profession remains one of the highest social utility institutions in our society—particularly within our common law tradition. But its value is not always obvious to those who interact with it episodically. That places the burden on us, as attorneys, to hold our role with quiet confidence rather than defensive insistence.
So What’s the Upshot Here for Us?
Being referred to as “the attorney” is rarely a slight. More often, it is a symptom of modern informality, client stress, and linguistic convenience. When we recognize it as such, we are free to respond with professionalism rather than frustration.
By gently reclaiming our voice, modeling respect, and refusing to internalize abstraction as disrespect, we strengthen not only our own professional identity—but the culture of the bar as a whole.
Respect, like credibility, is often reinforced not by demanding it, but by consistently embodying it.